i miss the times we had..

No matter how many times I deny it time & time again, it still turns out this way. Yeah, and didn't know why I felt the pain every night; now and then. Sometimes I even wonder, why am I still crying for? Sometimes I do feel like a hypocrite. I told people to move on with their lives while at times, I completely still back at square one. Well, Its hard. But after a few dayss, that feeling will slowly come back then subsides and it goes on like a vicious cycle (I prefer to recognise as it is). it all happens over and over again.. but i just need u here... did u really meant what you said in maths class the other day.. haiz.. am i really like that? as days pass, i just miss the times we had.. i wish that in class sometimes i was there right beside you like how we used to be before.. sometimes in class i just wished that i could sneak up behind you and sit next to you.. im not sure if these things could ever happen again.. life seems alot better for you now.. i hope things would just change and someone would just wake me up from this terrible nightmare.. i never wanna fight with you again.. haiz.. i wish..

Stop and stare,
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere.
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared.
But I've become what I can't be, oh...

Stop and stare,
You start to wonder why you're here not there.
And you'd give anything to get what's fair,
But fair ain't what you really need.
Oh, you don't need...

So what do I really aim in life? What do I aim to achieve? What are currently my needs now? To juggle commitments and studies all together is in fact, an uphill task. But, does anyone tends to understand at the moment?

Only someone seems to. The One whom I've always have faith and believe in. He's the reason why I'm still surviving. If not, I'd just give up by now.

And I still need your guidance in this, cause I might look strong outside but I definitely am weak deep inside. And only you, only You, The One Above, knows it all; what I've been going through all these while..

Some people cry. some people don't cry. i think it has to do with the emotional being of each individual person. its like sad country music songs. these songs tend to reach our emotions better than other forms of music. emotions can be devastating to some people. they cry at the drop of a hat. same applies to crying when our feelings are hurt. its like the person who has no other choices in life, in a given situation. its to cry to show emotion and to relieve true inside feelings. it may just be a relief valve. crying serves several purposes. relieving anxiety, relieving frustration, and an outward appearance that has very strong psychological effects on everyone surrounding the crier. we, as humans, all have feelings. some people control their feelings better than others. no one likes to get their feelings hurt. thank goodness we have the ability to cry. nothing helps like a good cry. its like washing the soul.

end of common tests...

thursday marks the end of all the late nights and all the studying and mugging for common tests... came to one conclusion.. no matter how hard you try to stuy... what makes it sMOST demoralising is not being able to the questions in the paper the very next day.. that was how i felt when i sat for my maths paper.. it felt as though the whole world just came crumbling down on me.. i felt sooo helpless.. chemistry was the last paper and it falls on valentines day.. didnt really study much for it.. came to shool early in the morning to study in the library.. met grace at westmall and then received a necklace!! sooo sweet ryt.. haha.. yep i know i know.. and then in school received a box of the most favourite chocs... yummy.. after chem paper went to eat seoul gardenn.. hehe.. how dumb dumb can we get when maing ice kacang ryt majidah?? haha. thats about all.. waited for someone for three whole days.. but all that came out of it was dissapointment.. didnt expect u to not even msg me..was waiting for ur msgs since friday...... but none came..


To love you is a sin,
To dream of you is a crime.
But I'm still hoping for the day
that you'll be mine.

past few days..

The past few days haven't been all that sweet and dandy. Nope. They haven't. Things happened around me as I watch, or rather, observe. And I didn't absolutely like what I saw. It wasn't very pleasing, at least if you are me.

It doesn't take a psychologist to tell you that I don't feel good.

I can't force you to do things the way I want to. Of course not. You are separate human beings with a different point of view and have different ways of doing things. That's just what makes me feel so shitty.

But there's something I have to question. Why? Why are you treating me like this? Is it on purpose, to test my patience? Or you never once meant to hurt me like that? I don't know. But I want a definite answer. Although I will never bring myself to ask you so directly like that. No. I'm not that kind.

You can be so darn nice to everyone. Why not the same way to me? I'm not asking for more you know. Maybe just something equal. Of course, you can always say no. Oh wait. You've always been saying no. It's nothing new. But when was the time you said yes? You would, only if they didn't affect you.

Or maybe I'm justing asking for so much. After all, there is already so much that you have done. And I've never remembered doing anything back in return. So maybe I don't deserve it at all. I guess I've don't.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
Love is really a hard thing don' t you agree? Indescribable, to a positive extend, mind you. Beautiful and inspiring. Yet love is hard to understand.

Alas, no mere mortal can resist the luring of this force, so powerful and miraculous alike, being attracted by this force is neither a weakness nor a flaw one possesses. On the contrary, being able to stand as one with the force is admirable and the feeling is simply splendid. For many can only dream of the joy it can bring and bliss to one’s soul one can achieve from such a petite feat of declaring one’s inner feelings towards another and also the fact that one is brave and valiant enough to face reality and accept the truth.

Love is not to be ashamed of.
Love is not to be ridiculed.
Love is not to be humiliated with.
Love is to be embraced with open arms.
Love is to be held within an open and a true heart.
May the journey of true love start.
May the currents of love flow in your veins
May the rhythm of love beat in your heart
May the voyage of love sail you to the arms of the destined.
If you love someone,
put their name in a circle, instead of a heart,
because hearts can break, but circles go on forever.
If you judge people, you have no time to love them It takes a minute to know on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to have a crush on someone, a week to understand someone- but it takes a eternity to forget someone.