7 july @ 1655

had an inspiration. Just a poem.

When the Time Comes

When the time comes,
the sun will set,
the night will fall.
You; I still won't forget.

When the time comes,
I'll breathe your air,
I'll sing your song.
I'll give my care.

When the time comes,
I'll stand by you.
I'll think of you.
I'll just want you.

Has the time came?
Has the moment arrived?

Will you wait for me?
I'll wait and see.

There's something you don't know.
I haven't let you go.

1 july @ 0900AM

ok.. now i noe why rj pple do so well.. should see their prelim paper. crazy shit.
i dont think A level will come up even half the standard, but no point taking risks right?
their papers make damn good practice...
did the physics paper and was like blown away by the questions. nj papers are just tedious and need to be careful in calculations that kind. rj papers make you really think. they may you wonder whether you actually got your basics right or not.
woah.


We all want to do well.... don't we?
Blatant disposal of every academic arsenal.
That's ok I guess.
Until it degrades to underhand tactics.

What a cruel world.
"It's ok as long as it doesn't happen to me."
The ignorance mentality.
Works till it actually happens to you.
Then the whole concept crumbles underneath.

Nobody actually cares anymore.

mug mug mug

thats the name of the game.

hmm...

Understanding more and more... Perhaps truly a time will come for it. Things happen because of a preconceived plan for it all to happen. While we determine the course of how things should happen, there is this culmination of actions in whatever we do that leads to the future already at the very least, being laid out there. It merely takes us to continue stepping forward.

The mind is willing;
but the body is weak...

I got the perfect example.
My mind says: I need to mug
My body says: Crazy!

Guess what...
I fell sick again.
Just the thing I need...

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt,but only more love.

26 JUNE 1245PM

For these past few days... I just wished I could isolate myself from reality. Is there really a need to go on, to continue? Happiness is not what it's been defined like last time. How I appreciated the past when it came, and now... how I dearly miss it. I just want to go back there. I thought... everything was as perfect as it could be. But now, it seems, everything is slowing shattering into pieces. Slowly, but surely.Still, I've gotta act as if everything is alright, as if it's all fine and dandy. It's a difficult job. But somebody's gotta do it. Where's the support when I need it? Where's the help when I want it? Everybody seems so distant. Or maybe... It's just me distancing myself. I think so. I don't think the people I know are pushing themselves away from me. I think I'm just killing myself from the inside.

Life is Hard. But here's what I say, How hard must it get? Does it always have to keep on getting harder? Day by day, night by night, thoughts just keep on piling up. Problems compounded, solutions dissipated.

I remembered I did say I just wished I could do magic. Yes... Now I wish its the time. Could anything get worse? Or is this suppose to be the time where something miraculous happens and then I want to get on with life all over again?

The thing is, I haven't even been having enough time to be able to pen all this down. It's been too much to handle, too little time on hand. I don't want to burden others. I don't want to bother others. MY PROBLEMS are FOR ME to solve. My stuffs are for me to settle. But still, I have my limits. There are only so much I can do.

things must change. I accept that. And I will work with it. I will work with circumstances thrown at me. I will stand ground and not sway. I will give my best to resist what I can. But hereafter, when all my energy is sapped, then watch inevitably, as I eventually fall.

Yup... I should have updated about Physics. But never mind. Here it is.
Physics.
MCQ.
Crazy paper. all so tedious working needed. Arghh.... I tikammed like... 13 questions out of 40. Bleahh. Don't know then just shade 'C'. Die lahh..

Paper 2.
I thought it's more doable. To me, it made up abit for the difficulty of MCQ.

Chem

To sum it up nicely, it's not the never-study-then-difficult kind of paper, it's the I-thought-I-studied-but-then-still-difficult kind of paper.
So frustrating can?
Like out of nowhere somewhere come out... "What is a tertiary protein?"
Win liaoz.... Of all the chem revision I did this hols, I swear I never so much as opened that part of the nitrogen compound organic chemistry page. What the heck?!

Maths.
Maths was decent enough for me. I had a couple of doubts.So now I know where my weakness is. Sad thing is, I only know after my MID YEARS. Bleah... Never mind.

'A' levels most important anyways.

Then as usual, a few careless mistakes, but lucky I spotted my stupid errors midway while doing the paper.
I think the best was this part: I CAN FINALLY DO VECTORS. I think. (But remembering yesterday, "I may be wrong)
It was surprisingly trivial. It seemed different. Don't know lahh.. Don't say so much, later come back whole question wrong. (lol)

23 june @ 1640

hmm...
maybe i was wrong.

what i just saw was... quite... unbelievable..indiscribable.. i must say.

ok ok... enuf. back to work.

Life doesnt give us enough time to stand still for a moment.

funny...

funny how the more I try to get away from something, the more it comes back to haunt me.
funny how the more I try to forget something, the more I remember it.

Life's irony.

I'm so full of it.

haiz... it's been quite long already hasn't it? sometimes i think im so full of shit. broken promises. unfulfilled dreams. what-not. at times, im so hopeless, but i just put it all off by being optimistic.

today went to school to look study.. but.. there were just too many people so.. couldnt study. initially was looking for MsWang o ask her sth but then accompanied Liyana find Mr Pow too.. here's a new cafe in MI!!! it sells........ HEALTHY FOOD!! hahaha,, how.. "amazing"... reached home about 12 plus.. didnt study with the rest.. haha.. OMG tmr's maths paper,followed by chem and phy.. nice timing right.. haha...

breaking... breaking... broke. broken.

all gone. finished.

nothing can turn back time. its all... gone.

picking up the pieces all over again has to hurt. but somebody has to do the job....

21 june @ 0930

I've been living for 19 years already. And I still ain't stopping anytime soon. Life doesn't stop just because of one huge obstacle. No. Life goes on with that obstacle banging at you at the back of your head. Sometimes, it hurts. Sometimes, it becomes so numb you can't feel it anymore.

But that's it. No matter what the final decision and conclusion is, life still goes on. And whatever it is, I'll still respect you. And if things work out the way I surprisingly thought it will, then great. If not, then maybe it's just not it.

I guess life is like that. You can't have everything that you want. Some things you get. Some you don't. And that's that. Just got to pick myself up and carry on. Just got to put it aside and stop thinking about it. Just got to start learning to be myself all over again. Just got to adjust and continue.

Life's shit is always at the next step in front of you.

Drifting further and further away.
From what started out as strangers to acquaintances to friends...
It went downhill faster than it took to get to know you.
Suddenly, we're strangers once again,
and suddenly, when I look at you, I ask
"Did i ever know you?"

Whatever it is...
We're strangers once again.
Until the day YOU decide otherwise.

it pains me to have to visit these places everytime.
fond memories lie within, bringing joy with each recollection,
yet at the same time, haunting and reminding me that they will never happen again.
recollected on command, but reenacted, it shall never be.

20 JUNE @ 1030 HRS

yesterday night, wrote out all the topics have yet to be covered!! haha.. OMMMGGG!!! super alot.. but no paninc.. started out with vectors.. hmm.. i hate this topic.. read and do,read and do.. then slowly.. CAN DO !! took a break and the proceed on to COMPLEX NO...eee another disgusting topic.. finished DE MOIVRE'S THEOREM on the bed!! haha.. unfortunately fell asleep while reading.. then grace called.. and my WHOLE bed could feel vibration.. hahaha!! but unfortunately after put down the fone.. fell asleep again.. haha.. till this morning about 8!!! sooo long.. haha.. fnished up complex no ad tried some questions.. moved on to integration and applcations.. summation,sequences and AP,GP.. finally.. Binomial theorem.. WOOT.. IM A HAPPY GOOBER!! haha.. its satisfying cancelling out the topics on the paper... haha.. cool.. i left differential equations, graphing and mclaurin's for maths.. yiipppee!!!! haha.. but.. there's still physics and chem.. OMG!! haha.. slow and steady wins the race.. haha.. as the saying goes..** i'll learn and prepare myself and someday my chance will come..** haha..

WOOT!! after this got to go back to maths!! smiles..

just a little something..

Each of us believes that what he has to say is much more important than anything the other might have to contribute.

I'm ok with hypocrisy by hypocrites. What I have a problem with is hypocrisy by those I call my 'friends'.

Whether the melon falls on the knife, or the knife falls on the melon, the melon still gets hurt.

Being blinded by love can be easily rubbed off by accidental marriage; being blinded by hatred is an incurable disease.

Pick which side of the fence you want to be on; fences don't make good seats.

The loser's creed: When you can't beat them, join them.

A secret is not a secret if two or more people know about it.

It's not during periods of joy and happiness that one is properly tested; but it is in the face of adversity that one's true mental abilities are shown.

Keep your enemies close; keep your friends closer.

Myths are used to explain what we do not know. Sometimes, they get mixed up and is named as facts.

You know... They always say this:
If you love something, you gotta set it free.
If it returns, then it's yours to be.

I guess I did set it free a while back.
.
.
.
.

.
.
And I think that will be the last that I'm going to see of it.
Please prove me wrong. You don't know how much I miss you.